my grammar could hit the target from that distance

Just showing off my new website...

2011-02-06T08:36:00.000-08:00

www.yourchurchinthenews.org

Not a spelling mistake in sight.

The main attraction gets possessive

2008-07-15T07:47:00.000-07:00

Beverley Racecourse Corporate Hospitality Suite.

Spotted by Greg Dunn

Not only but also

2008-05-08T06:32:00.001-07:00

Spotted in Hull. Thanks to Greg Dunn and David Oakley.

Dinning out is alive and well...

2007-10-08T11:23:00.001-07:00

Spotted in a well-known tourist city in north-west England...

Stone me!

2007-04-28T10:00:00.000-07:00

Spotted at Chester Castle today - you'd think the county council would employ a signwriter who can spell masonry, but it seems standards are falling faster than the stonework is...

Sign of the times

2007-04-26T00:50:00.000-07:00

The illiteracy society launch their new campaign

"The trail continues"

2007-04-25T08:18:00.000-07:00

It seems a shame that the spelling mistake comes right at the end. So near, but so far.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/somerset/6592333.stm

"...The alleged offences date from September 1976 to May 2005.

The trail continues"

Wot?

2007-04-18T08:55:00.000-07:00

There's an evil Robbie sitting on my shoulder, begging me to write underneath, "Leave the English language alone if you do not know what you are doing".

Aunty guilty of bad practise (sic)

2007-04-05T09:39:00.000-07:00

Another shocking typo from the BBC, and in a headline no less:

Dentist guilty of dirty practise

Don't they know that practice is spelled with a c when it's a noun?

EDIT: It's been changed - are the BBC subs watching this blog, I wonder?

Chuckle?

2007-04-04T11:19:00.000-07:00

I recently found the Chuckle Brothers' CV on the internet. It claims they were 'literally raised in a suitcase'.

BBC standards falling...

2007-03-21T01:51:00.000-07:00

The BBC website is notorious for its non-existent proofreading - embarrassing for the institution that has had a decades-long reputation as the upholder of standards in our noble language.

Well, from now, Aunty is fair game on this blog! It's time to declare war on BBC typos...

Here's one I found a few minutes ago.

Note this almost amusing literal: "Casey's uncle, Michael Mullen, 21, of Lawrence Road, Leeds, is die to stand trial for her rape and murder in July."

Now, most people might well agree that a child rapist deserves to die for their crimes, but really, the BBC should do better when it comes to checking for typos.

More to follow...

2.30pm update: It's been corrected.

Murdoch

2007-02-28T10:55:00.000-08:00

MySpace just refused to accept a message I was sending because it contained apostrophes! Rupert Murdoch is clearly a cretin - though I think we knew that already.

Make no bone's about it...

2007-02-22T14:31:00.000-08:00

Passed on to me by two equally pedantic colleagues (unfortunately no photographic evidence available):

Seen in the window of a butcher's shop in Marple, Cheshire:

For your pets

Bones and Carcus's


And:

Yesterday, on the way back to Reading from lunch, my eagle-eyed passenger spotted a sign outside a shop in Woolhampton:

Pie's
Pasty's
Sandwich's

Worst of all

2007-02-16T12:40:00.000-08:00

A couple from the Isle of Wight's Bestival.

The first is a gem, as it turns the advert from being an invitation ("Reveller's Retreat") into an instruction to go away ("Revellers Retreat").

Genius.

It seems a shame to put so much effort into a sign, and then fall at the last.

Watch it guvnor

2007-02-16T12:37:00.000-08:00

Will - I'll delete your post just this once, but if I catch you putting gibberish on htis (sic) site again I'll come round there and bash you one.

Big love to Jomec.

xoxoxoxo

So that's where my taxes go

2007-02-16T12:32:00.000-08:00

The Tate Modern, eh? Chuffing ignorant pigs.

Can't remember if I posted this one. It's childish, but so am I.

Push my bottom - arf arf.

Idiots in Bournemouth

2007-01-29T11:41:00.000-08:00

Saw a belter in Bournemouth, but didn't have my camera:
"Johns Cafe'". The apostrophe seemed to have slipped about five places to the right. Seeing it in text doesn't do it justice.

Glass house, throwing stones

2006-11-13T07:30:00.000-08:00

As our dear leader Robbie has said previously, finding mistakes in the Guardian is like finding a rosary on the Pope, but this one nearly burst my irony gland.

From a piece in the Media pullout entitled In praise of the subeditor:

"Newspapers have often found it difficulty to recruit subeditors over the last few years"

Whoop.

(NB It was corrected on the website.)

Please do not Write such stupid notes. Thanks.

2006-11-11T12:30:00.000-08:00

I've been meaning to post this for ages - Andy left his car parked in the little car park behind our flat. When he returned, he found the following note tucked into his windscreen wipers, now pinned to our fridge:

"Which flat do You LIVE IN. NONE.!!

Please do not Park your car here. Thanks"

Not only rude and inaccurate, but only degenerates and teenage girls use double exclamation marks.

Award winning pape(r)

2006-10-24T10:56:00.000-07:00

To all those still working on the Gair Rhydd, my sincere apologies, I love you all and don't wish to offend. This was sent to me by a GR reader and I'm therefore legally obliged to upload it. To everyone else who's sent me pictures recently, I apologise for my slackness, I only have internet access at work which is RUBBISH and will hopefully be amended soon.

You work in the publishing industry: You GET IT RIGHT

2006-10-05T04:59:00.000-07:00

Leeched this using mobile telephony from an invoice we got in the post at work yesterday. For Britain''''''''s leading book wholesaler you'd imagine someone working there would kindly infer that they also try and set a precedent for their distributive credibility by also becoming Britain's Leading Punctuators.

Channel 4 driving me docu-mental

2006-09-29T05:02:00.000-07:00

Next Monday night's Dispatches about Burma has been advertised in between Channel 4's other programmes for about a week, describing the country "slaughtering it's own people".

Simple rule, one exception.

I did ring Channel 4 to ask if the rest of the programme would be that amateurish, but I was put into a queue and couldn't be bothered to wait (or afford it, to be honest).

If anyone else has more patience than I do, the number is 02073068333.

2006-09-21T03:54:00.000-07:00

From this article on MSN:

"They will receive pathetic pensions ashen they retire in 40 years time, thanks to soaring property prices they are unable to buy a homes,, while they will have to pay higher taxes on earnings above the 40% threshold – but get back little or nothing in return."

Good grief.

Coulthard takes pole position

2006-09-14T15:29:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the headline pun Charissa, but thanks for the cracking grammar spots.

"Oooh yeah, I like these ones," Robbie said while rubbing his thighs. Spelling mistakes are even better than misplaced apostrophes in my opinion. Keep 'em coming.

Some would say that finding a mistake in the Guardian is like finding an rosary on the pope. Those people are idiots. There's nothing more satisfying than pointing out an petty mistake in an smug berliner newspaper. Though they did give us those nice awards.

Welcome's to the jungle

2006-09-02T14:58:00.000-07:00

A special thanks to Dafydd for this little beauty spotted in Spain. I hope I will be forgiven for quoting directly: "I like the mistake mostly because it's so gratuitous: there's no indication of possession, nor is there a plural involved. It's just an ordinary verb with an apostrophe plonked in the middle."

I feel a special award should be given for the largest or most blatant mistake, i.e. the one on the largest sign. I saw a 3m x 1m Morrison's (Morrisons'?) sign offering "1000's of price cuts". Alas, no camera at the time though. Next time gadget.

A bumper-ish update

2006-08-26T13:32:00.000-07:00

Newport Road, Cardiff - good to hear the legal service has a good dating agency.

Somewhere on the A37. I think I'm being mocked by the anti-grammar police, I got stuck behind the same van a couple of days later.

Cardiff Bay. You can apologise all you like, there's no justification for this kind of thing.

St Mary Street, Cardiff. Mr Other clearly has a terrible tent.

No, you're retarded

2006-08-14T03:52:00.000-07:00

Apparently they designed this t-shirt to catch us out, here’s the blurb…

I guess this shirt is a booby trap for wannabe grammar police. "Hey", they'll whine, "did you know that your shirt uses the possessive 'your' when it should use the contraction 'you're'?" At which point you'll shake your head, mutter the words on your shirt, and walk away.

Whatever, it’s still wrong.

It's brains you need

2006-08-13T14:21:00.000-07:00

Brewery Quarter, Cardiff, Wales

I suppose technically this could be right actually couldn't it?

Commagain?

2006-08-10T00:42:00.000-07:00

"It could be the most costly piece of punctuation in Canada.

A grammatical blunder may force Rogers Communications Inc. to pay an extra $2.13-million to use utility poles in the Maritimes after the placement of a comma in a contract permitted the deal's cancellation.

The controversial comma sent lawyers and telecommunications regulators scrambling for their English textbooks in a bitter 18-month dispute that serves as an expensive reminder of the importance of punctuation.

Rogers thought it had a five-year deal with Aliant Inc. to string Rogers' cable lines across thousands of utility poles in the Maritimes for an annual fee of $9.60 per pole. But early last year, Rogers was informed that the contract was being cancelled and the rates were going up. Impossible, Rogers thought, since its contract was iron-clad until the spring of 2007 and could potentially be renewed for another five years.

Armed with the rules of grammar and punctuation, Aliant disagreed. The construction of a single sentence in the 14-page contract allowed the entire deal to be scrapped with only one-year's notice, the company argued.

Language buffs take note — Page 7 of the contract states: The agreement 'shall continue in force for a period of five years from the date it is made, and thereafter for successive five year terms, unless and until terminated by one year prior notice in writing by either party.'

Rogers' intent in 2002 was to lock into a long-term deal of at least five years. But when regulators with the Canadian Radio-television and Telecommunications Commission (CRTC) parsed the wording, they reached another conclusion.
The validity of the contract and the millions of dollars at stake all came down to one point — the second comma in the sentence.

Had it not been there, the right to cancel wouldn't have applied to the first five years of the contract and Rogers would be protected from the higher rates it now faces.

'Based on the rules of punctuation,' the comma in question 'allows for the termination of the [contract] at any time, without cause, upon one-year's written notice,' the regulator said."

(From the Globe and Mail, via Sam, who emailed it to me - they're all joining in!)

Im blaming poor education

2006-08-09T14:01:00.000-07:00

Here's a belting example from a recent newcomer. She quite rightly refused to buy it on the grounds of poor grammar - hitting them where it hurts is the only way.

Advanced Level Grocer's Apostrophe

2006-08-06T13:53:00.000-07:00

Do two wrongs make a right? Answers to Mr. P. Geek please.

G for Grudge

2006-07-26T04:57:00.000-07:00

After the other week's little incident, I've got it in for Comment Is Free.

So I should tell you all that the standfirts for these three posts originally read:

"David Miliband is right to consider personal carbon trading but he should not rule other forms of action against climate change."

"Far from weakening Damascus, Israel's attacks on Lebanon will ensure Syria's place in the eventual settlement. I"

"The government seems to be going cold on its plans to introduce ID cards. Lets hope there is a chance to halt this intrusive, costly and unnecessary scheme."

Man down!

2006-07-20T06:32:00.000-07:00

I got banned from the Guardian's 'Comment is Free' blog-o-site today, for pulling up the subeditor on his grammar.

Girls, girls, girls.

2006-07-09T13:17:00.000-07:00

When I was out in Yeovil the other night, I stumbled across a hen party. Or, to be more accurate, they stumbled into me. They were all wearing sashes reading "Girl's on Tour". I asked them which one the tour belong to. They were not amused. They also wouldn't let me take a photo, so you'll just have to rely on my anecdotal evidence.

Cappachino

2006-06-24T00:52:00.000-07:00

Maybe they should've stuck with tea, it's easier to spell.

Canton, Cardiff

Northern time

2006-06-16T02:06:00.000-07:00

Guns 'n Roses visit the New Castle.

According to the BBC, the people of Britain are talking about "Gay gay marriage geordies" and "Robbie Williams Romany Roots". You could write poetry with this site.

People of Britain by Robbie Lane

Breastfeeding Bristol slip down the league
Football fans wave flags of pride
Geordies prepare for gay gay marriage
While Robbie Williams explores his gypsy roots
But remember please, people of Britain
Rams talk and houses hunt.

my grammar could hit the target from that distance

2006-06-12T02:37:00.000-07:00

my grammar could hit the target from that distance

As my phone is sans camera I'm going to have to describe this:

Yesterday my girlfriend went to Co-Op to get some BBQ food. She returned with a packet of beefburgers that said on the packet: "100% Beef bugers (99% Beef, 1% Seasoning).

Hmm.

I AM VERY SORRY

2006-06-10T14:44:00.000-07:00

(Photo by Adam Gasson)

Gypsy hunting

2006-06-06T04:26:00.000-07:00

Here's the BBC Hampshire messageboard demonstrating the danger of not using commas in a list. Unless "gypsy hunting" is actually what people are talking about, which could be the case in Hampshire.

2006-06-05T05:37:00.000-07:00

I was waiting for a fortuitous moment in which to step up. Found it. The following post appeared on work's website. I've italicised and emboldened the defining sentence.

Subject: Hello there, I s'pose I'd be called a newbie..
Date: 03/06/2006

Hello to all you gorgious authors and author wannabes out there! I'm 14
years old and I am already a keen writer. I write novels, but have not yet
managed to finish one, and I suspect this is most likely due to the fact that I
hav no real way of planning the plot or what will fall into line where in the
story. I have been writing and re-writing the beginning of a perticular novel
that i got inspiration for two years ago, and I filled up a whole notepad with
it, and this was quite a thick note pad! But I felt it was sloppily written and
had no shape and was unorganised, so I began writing it on the computer. I then
became muchhhhhh better at writing and wrote the beginning AGAIN. To avoid me
writing it yet again (i have written it more times than stated above, but I
can't be bothered to list more...) would any kind person out there pass onto me
their pearls of wisdome? I'm open to trying anything as I feel this story could
realy go somewhere, and many people tell me hoe brilliant it is, and lots who I
have shown it to keep pestering me for the next part (ha! Fat chance of me
getting a next part anytime soon...) although I am immensely critical of it
myself. I really need the tips, people!!! P.S. I appologise now for the grammer,
spelling and punctuation mistakes in the plea above... I don't know
about you, but I find bad grammer almost painful to read...

Holt this madness

2006-05-31T07:19:00.000-07:00

Spotted by Will, the Daily Mirror at their best.

Ugg, woman cause tarzan problem

2006-05-30T06:15:00.000-07:00

City Road, Cardiff

Surely it should be women rather than woman? Otherwise it sounds like something Tarzan would say.

This isn't a grammatical mistake, but the bulding name made me giggle like the child I am. Courtesy of my housemate, not sure what he's been importing...

On apostrophes

2006-05-29T09:26:00.000-07:00

There's fun to be had with apostrophes. In Eats, Shoots and Leaves Lynne Truss recounted an example of grafitti on a road sign saying "Nigga's Out", under which some clever dick had written "but he'll be back soon".

It works the other way around, too, of course; I mentioned Finnegans Wake, for example, in a comment below. We also have:

Which ought not to be a statement that one's friends are entrancing, but an entrace for friends. A friends' entrance.

And:

Which is not some writers ruminating on the nature of time, but the time for people to grill some writers. Writers' question time.

The best thing: these both came from Hay-On-Wye Literary Festival.

Somebody Tell Thousand...

2006-05-27T08:13:00.000-07:00

...They're giving away his shirts.

Oh, and tell www.kitbag.com that they could see a £5 drop in their shares.

Also, this is an opportune time to bring up the fact that Nestlé are shits. Just in case anyone thought we were giving them coverage gratis.

Retro shirts: retro grammar

2006-05-27T07:35:00.000-07:00

Nestle make chocolate. They're also leaping on the Summer of Football my offering you a chance to win a 'retro shirt'. By golly!

But they may run into problems judging by their promotional website:

"Win a retro shirt 1,000's to be won"

(I would do a screengrab but I'm a technical retard. If a more competent contributor than myself would like to rectify this, then be my guest)

What depresses me if the most is they've clearly released the need for a comma in 1,000, but are oblivious to not only the flagrant misuse of an apostrophe, but also the crying need for some form of punctuation.

Imagine if the Milkybar Kid had proclaimed: "The Milkybar's are on me!" Nestle could have been faced with lawsuits, crying children and possibly a riot on their hands. Is a piece of chocolate worth this pain? Arguably not.

Just plain weird

2006-05-27T04:18:00.000-07:00

#14 An odd one from my Milton Keynes outing offering a wafer to "the littles". Are they a race of really short people that believe symbols of bears will fend off evil spirits? I LITERALLY have no idea.

MK Wrongs

2006-05-25T08:26:00.000-07:00

At last - a spelling mistake after an excess of apostrophes found recently. This one was spotted on my first and last trip to Milton Keynes.

#13 in one of the many miles of shopping arcades that they count as culture in Milton Keynes.

The Arcade Dire

2006-05-21T07:44:00.000-07:00

Two shopping centres, neither of them can get it right. I know they're both names but that's no excuse.

#11 "Queens Arcade" in Cardiff

#12 "St Davids Centre" in Cardiff

Complete with chest wig, and everything!

2006-05-19T09:39:00.000-07:00

Polly Toynbee comments on the Guardian's blog site about anonymous abusive emails. She is particularly unkind to Tim Worstall.

Tim Worstall you pendant, what on earth is your life and view of the world? Do you ever see the light of day?

Heh.

Neon ridiculous

2006-05-19T08:05:00.000-07:00

It seems to be much easier to find apostrophes in the wrong place (or not there at all), than it is to find spelling mistakes and the like. I heard a rumour that somewhere around Albany Road there's a sign saying "Chef wanted: apple within" or something similar. Twenty I-Spy points for a photo of that one.

#10 St Mary's Street (or is it St. Mary Street?), Cardiff. You'd think if you were making something in neon you might get it right.

Literally

2006-05-18T12:30:00.000-07:00

A tangent post as this is something that I'm a big fan of - use of the word literally when you mean the exact opposite. I think my love for it came from Geordie's loud (and possibly drunken) screams of abuse at a judge at the Mirror Awards who said they were 'literally swamped with entries this year".

This is going to be a continuing post, so add your own spots in the comments bit and I'll link it on the front page.

I'll get things going with a few of my favourites that have made me laugh my head off, literally.

"I literally hovered round the newsroom all day" (visiting ITV journalist at CJS).

"Gareth Jenkins has Llanelli literally running through his veins" (script of a local radio journalist, half an hour after I had had a rant about improper use of the word literally. I've got photographic evidence of this one, but it seems too cruel).

"When the true details of Iraq came to light, the government found the wheels literally came off" (a JOMEC professor, but not J-Lew).

A debate

2006-05-17T00:44:00.000-07:00

My housemate says this doesn't need anything else because it's a name. Just to confirm, that is 100% WRONG isn't it? Does it belong to Spiller, or Spillers or is it a statement that he/she records things?

#9 My tshirt, Cardiff

Councilation prize (Worst. Pun. Ever.)

2006-05-16T03:43:00.000-07:00

There's hundreds of these signs in Cardiff, and they're all wrong. Good to see the council don't waste money on a proofreader. Maybe they're actually saying that residents only permit holders of some unknown object to park there?

#8 Near Gary's house, Cardiff.

Horizontal good, vertical bad

2006-05-15T10:33:00.001-07:00

Chuffing mint

#7 Whitchurch Road, Cardiff

Too cool for shcool

2006-05-14T14:53:00.000-07:00

This one breaks the rules because I didn't take it myself. However, I didn't want Will to be the only person receiving bonus points for irony. I'm not entirely convinced that it's real but I love it anyway.

#6

Minehead part 2

2006-05-14T11:48:00.000-07:00

Found this little gem from my Minehead photos. I was obviously in a very picky mood that week, or maybe Minehead is a particular hotspot. And don't worry Will, I'm sure no-one would say anything if you hung around a school with a camera. That guy from COMMENT DELETED DUE TO DEFAMATION LAW did it all the time and he's doing alright now.

#4 (#5? I've lost count already)

Not a nonce

2006-05-14T11:05:00.000-07:00

I'm not going to take a picture of this one in case I get carted away and burned but the school round the corner from me (Gladstone?) has two signs next to each other saying, 'Vistors Entrance' and 'Childrens Entrance'. Excusable perhaps. But on a BLOODY school.

On another note, did anyone watch Never Mind the Full Stops? It was rubbish! And David Aaronovitch thought 'its' as a possessive was its'. Honk.

Minehead

2006-05-13T16:30:00.000-07:00

Here's a couple of my favourites I spotted when I was in Minehead a while ago.

#2 Eddy's/Eddies Amazing Pizza Factory. I particularly love this one as Eddy/Eddie clearly doesn't even know how to spell his own name, let alone whether it deserves an apostrophe (also note the excellent grammar on the limousine advert in the bottom left-hand corner - credit where credit's due).

#3 You'd think Tesco could afford a proof-reader for a leaflet that was going to be printed a million times? Eddie/Eddy gets away with it because he's one guy just trying to make amazing pizzas. Tesco should be shut down.

Rats indeed

2006-05-13T10:39:00.000-07:00

The invite email Robbie sent me:

I urge you to join me in the fight against badly written signs. I can't
promise you freedom, I can't promise you social status, but I can
promise you correctly uses apostrophes. Fight the machine brothers.


(Sorry Robbie.)

Rats

2006-05-13T06:40:00.000-07:00

I'll get things started in the 2 minutes I've got. Incidentally, I should say that no points are given for pointing out errors made in the blog. That's just petty.

#1 Reduced rats, spotted in central London, somewhere near Berwick Street.